Low on dopamine

My heart yearns for something I do not know. It’s a feeling that crashes in waves when I listen to pieces of music, when my mind is at rest, is blank. 

These feelings creep up on me suddenly like serial killers in a movie, and I cannot pinpoint what is it that upsets me.

It’s a hollow kind of sensation that makes you feel worthless or unworthy of love and eats you up inside. Yet I cannot stop listening to sad music which is the root cause. It’s a vicious circle and  I’m addicted like a moth to a flame.

I, of course can’t tell this to people in the real world. They would think I’m crazy. So I pour my feelings on digital paper so that some unknown strangers can read it. That’s been my childhood coping mechanism. It calms me down since I haven’t repressed it somewhere in the recesses of my mind.

Thats why I love when my brain is constantly buzzing with activity. It gives me an opportunity to suppress these bizarre thoughts that I keep having. Is this how everyone feels or is it just me?

 Maybe this why people do drugs and alcohol . To stay numb. I’m reminded of that scene in Inception where there are a bunch of old people forever dreaming and it has slowly become their reality.

Its the curse of the modern world. Where you stay stimulated and distracted long enough to forget your problems. 

the haunting music that usually gets me